Thursday, April 01, 2004

Guess Which One of These Three Scoops is a Totally Fake April Fools Joke! 

#1. What happens when you mix oxycontin with eight Venti Caramel Macchiatos and a pint of peach gelato? If you're TMFTML, Miss Modernage and Ultragrrrl you get a hot all-night menage-a-snog!

#2. Choire Gawker finally had his botched chin-implant repaired with some financial assistance from blog sugar daddy Nick Denton!

#3. Lindsay Lindsayism is actually an artificial intelligence experiment designed by undergrads at MIT!

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I've Got (Re)Designs on You! 

Via a scoop from one of the Blogosphere's own best and brightest:

"Lindsay Lindsayism puts the "vamp" in blog revamp."

Evidently the webstress employed a few well-placed snogging sessions in exchange for an overhaul that's left her site with more bells and whistles than a referee convention at a dairy farm! You go girl! Shake what your mama gave you!

Send me all of your "Frontpage Extension" innuendos!

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Beating a Dead Blog 

A little birdie told me a certain one-trick-pony blogosphere-gossip blog continues to drive its schtick into the ground. Which one? My lips are sealed!

In other news, one of my loyal scoopsters saw Jen Gothamist getting into a cab this morning. "I was at least ten yards away, but I could still smell the vermouth on her breath," says the anonymous source.

I guess that leaves one question: Was she already drunk or still drunk?


Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Double Feature - Grambo: First Blood, Part II & Missing In Action 

All the Blogosphere is achatter with speculation and rumor-mongering regarding the whereabouts of Whatevs.org maven, Mark "Uncle Grambo" Graham. Here are just a few tidbits that have landed in my email box:

- I heard Grambo had this baby alligator as a pet when he was a little kid, but he was an irresponsible little tyke and flushed the gator down the loo. 20 years later, the giant lizard shimmied back up the crapper to devour the brat that chucked her down the john so many years before. However, just as she was about to sink her razor-sharp teeth into his tender flesh, their eyes met and it was love at first sight. Long story short, Grambo and his green lady are in New Paltz, New York making it legal.

- I don't know where Grambo is, but I find it suspicious that the first weekday without a new post on the Blog Dish coincided with the first day of the Whatevster's disappearance. Coincidence? I think not!

- Obvs shmears bejeerz buzz. Vobs bovs Franz Ferdinand mizz? So best!

- Where's Grambo? Two words: Stereogum. Snogfest.


Friday, March 19, 2004

Friday Roll Call 

Jason Calacanis: Only gets invited places because of his now-legendary auto-fellatio trick.

Lindsay Lindsayism: Lost her virginity to Tim Allen.

Scott Stereogum: Pees sitting down.

Sarah Ultragrrrl: They're real and they're spectacular!

Old Hag: Deathly afraid of Segways and the color yellow.

Choire Gawker: They're totally fake.

Uncle Grambo: Pees laying down.

Maud Newton: Took Tim Allen's virginity.

Miss Modernage: One's real, one's fake.

Ana Wonkette: Into sploshing. Great tipper.

Nick Denton: Born without nipples.

Elizabeth Kicker: Pees in the shower. Ghostwrote Boat Trip.

Jen Gothamist: Dabbles in white slavery.

TMFTML: Poops the bed.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I Never Meta-Blog I Didn't Like 

The entire blogosphere is aflutter over the recent emergence of a new anonymous blogger. Just who is behind the blog du jour that has everyone from Whatevs to Lindsayism buzzing with speculation?

Some have found curious the recent vacation by TMFTML that conveniently coincided with the launch of the site in question. Could the BMOC of anonymous bloggers be hiding behind a different shroud these days? One thing's for sure: My sources are all over it!

Switching gears, who did my Capitol Hill scoopster see getting her snog on with Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta? None other than Wonkette's Ana Marie Cox. But don't you Wonketteers go jumping to conclusions; The Artist Formerly Known as The Antic Muse hasn't gone Republican. The snogfest was all part of a charity event to benefit bears. You go, girl!

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

A Heat Wave in Siberia? 

Evidently there was a blogger bonanza afoot at Siberia last Friday. Lucky for you, I had a man on the inside. When asked if he caught any prominent bloggers locking lips French-style, my scoopmaster replied, "The question is who didn't make out?" Once again proving the old adage that the way to a blogger's blogroll is through his or her snog-hole!

But it wasn't all smiles and slurps that night. Apparently, none other than Nick Denton was denied admittance, leading the blog mogul to whip out a good old fashioned "Do you know who I am?!"

Yes, we do, Nick. You're the guy who always shows up empty-handed and proceeds to drink everyone else's Jager.

Got a hot slice of hearsay about a bigwig blogger? Send it my way!

Preaching to the Choire 

Where did Choire Sicha's career aspirations lie before Gawker came knocking, transforming the snarkster into a blogging juggernaut? According to a hot and steamy scoop that plopped into my email box this morning, the man behind Gawker 2.0 had once planned to answer a higher calling and trained to be a minister for a short time.

Says my source, "Once he found out what 'seminary' really meant, there was a Choire-shaped hole in the wall."

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?