Thursday, March 25, 2004

I've Got (Re)Designs on You! 

Via a scoop from one of the Blogosphere's own best and brightest:

"Lindsay Lindsayism puts the "vamp" in blog revamp."

Evidently the webstress employed a few well-placed snogging sessions in exchange for an overhaul that's left her site with more bells and whistles than a referee convention at a dairy farm! You go girl! Shake what your mama gave you!

Send me all of your "Frontpage Extension" innuendos!

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Beating a Dead Blog 

A little birdie told me a certain one-trick-pony blogosphere-gossip blog continues to drive its schtick into the ground. Which one? My lips are sealed!

In other news, one of my loyal scoopsters saw Jen Gothamist getting into a cab this morning. "I was at least ten yards away, but I could still smell the vermouth on her breath," says the anonymous source.

I guess that leaves one question: Was she already drunk or still drunk?


Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Double Feature - Grambo: First Blood, Part II & Missing In Action 

All the Blogosphere is achatter with speculation and rumor-mongering regarding the whereabouts of Whatevs.org maven, Mark "Uncle Grambo" Graham. Here are just a few tidbits that have landed in my email box:

- I heard Grambo had this baby alligator as a pet when he was a little kid, but he was an irresponsible little tyke and flushed the gator down the loo. 20 years later, the giant lizard shimmied back up the crapper to devour the brat that chucked her down the john so many years before. However, just as she was about to sink her razor-sharp teeth into his tender flesh, their eyes met and it was love at first sight. Long story short, Grambo and his green lady are in New Paltz, New York making it legal.

- I don't know where Grambo is, but I find it suspicious that the first weekday without a new post on the Blog Dish coincided with the first day of the Whatevster's disappearance. Coincidence? I think not!

- Obvs shmears bejeerz buzz. Vobs bovs Franz Ferdinand mizz? So best!

- Where's Grambo? Two words: Stereogum. Snogfest.


Friday, March 19, 2004

Friday Roll Call 

Jason Calacanis: Only gets invited places because of his now-legendary auto-fellatio trick.

Lindsay Lindsayism: Lost her virginity to Tim Allen.

Scott Stereogum: Pees sitting down.

Sarah Ultragrrrl: They're real and they're spectacular!

Old Hag: Deathly afraid of Segways and the color yellow.

Choire Gawker: They're totally fake.

Uncle Grambo: Pees laying down.

Maud Newton: Took Tim Allen's virginity.

Miss Modernage: One's real, one's fake.

Ana Wonkette: Into sploshing. Great tipper.

Nick Denton: Born without nipples.

Elizabeth Kicker: Pees in the shower. Ghostwrote Boat Trip.

Jen Gothamist: Dabbles in white slavery.

TMFTML: Poops the bed.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I Never Meta-Blog I Didn't Like 

The entire blogosphere is aflutter over the recent emergence of a new anonymous blogger. Just who is behind the blog du jour that has everyone from Whatevs to Lindsayism buzzing with speculation?

Some have found curious the recent vacation by TMFTML that conveniently coincided with the launch of the site in question. Could the BMOC of anonymous bloggers be hiding behind a different shroud these days? One thing's for sure: My sources are all over it!

Switching gears, who did my Capitol Hill scoopster see getting her snog on with Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta? None other than Wonkette's Ana Marie Cox. But don't you Wonketteers go jumping to conclusions; The Artist Formerly Known as The Antic Muse hasn't gone Republican. The snogfest was all part of a charity event to benefit bears. You go, girl!

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

A Heat Wave in Siberia? 

Evidently there was a blogger bonanza afoot at Siberia last Friday. Lucky for you, I had a man on the inside. When asked if he caught any prominent bloggers locking lips French-style, my scoopmaster replied, "The question is who didn't make out?" Once again proving the old adage that the way to a blogger's blogroll is through his or her snog-hole!

But it wasn't all smiles and slurps that night. Apparently, none other than Nick Denton was denied admittance, leading the blog mogul to whip out a good old fashioned "Do you know who I am?!"

Yes, we do, Nick. You're the guy who always shows up empty-handed and proceeds to drink everyone else's Jager.

Got a hot slice of hearsay about a bigwig blogger? Send it my way!

Preaching to the Choire 

Where did Choire Sicha's career aspirations lie before Gawker came knocking, transforming the snarkster into a blogging juggernaut? According to a hot and steamy scoop that plopped into my email box this morning, the man behind Gawker 2.0 had once planned to answer a higher calling and trained to be a minister for a short time.

Says my source, "Once he found out what 'seminary' really meant, there was a Choire-shaped hole in the wall."

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Just Who Are You Trying to Protect, Madame Spiers? 

In one of the hottest developments in the history of Blogosphere gossip journalism, the one and only Lizzie Spiers fumingly refutes the claim that she was spotted--how you say?--making the face-love at an S-Bucks this morning:

while i would have probably preferred to have a steamy public makeout session this morning than doing what I was doing, i'm afraid it's a case of mistaken identity. i don't even know any mustachioed Asian guys.

Case of mistaken identity, eh? Perhaps my nearsighted scoopster mistook another blog-superstar for the white-hot Lady Kicker. But, who? And just what does L. Spiers have against our friends from the Far East? I kid. Or do I? No, I really do kid. Or do I really? Developing...

Of course the really pressing question of the day is which blogger was spotted leaving an unnamed toupee shop circa noon today? Also developing...

All In the Name of Research! 

Rumor has it, Nick Denton couldn't quite figure out if Fleshbot or Gizmodo should review the case of vibrators that was delivered to his office, so the Blogosphere's Howard Hughes had the proprietors of both blogs team up for the task.

How'd it go? Let's just say that by morning there were almost as many empty bottles of pinot noir as there were dead batteries!

You Can Call Me "Spears" and You Can Call Me "Spyers", Just Don't Call Me Late For Snogging! 

Who was the mustachioed Asian fellow seen having a taste of Miss Lizzie "The Kicker" Spiers' uvula in a Starbucks vestibule this morning? I've got my hunches, but my lips are sealed!

Which Motor-City pop-culture maven tips like it's going out of style? None other than Whatevs' Uncle Grambo. Says an anonymous tipster, "he's polite and always leaves 25%."
You go, Grambo! Now, if you could just do something about the cloud of CK-One that surrounds you. Word around the campfire is Gram-Gram has the stuff piped into his condo in lieu of good old fashioned H2O. P-U!

But nothing's stinkier than TMFTML's attitude. Several of my trusty spies have reported that the mystery blogger has a habit of giving kids the finger. "It's like a tic or a compulsion with him," says one insider. Shame on you, TMFTML. Tricks are for kids, not fingers.

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